As I begin to write this, there are a couple of minutes left for Mother's day and I thought, what a fitting day to start this post. I've been trying to write this post for the past month or so jotting down lines here and there in my Blog Journal. I've tried to put some organization to it but I believe I've failed at that as well, so sorry in advance if you feel this post is a bit scattered.
As I work my way through my late 20's it seems as though now should be the time to start seriously contemplating a child. I know when I was dating Art, a few of his family members would ask, "So, when are you two going to have a kid?". Um. To be quite honest, I'm glad we never got to that point. If you don't understand the gravity of that situation, I'll give you some insight. Imagine having a child with somebody, and your mortal enemy is also in that family. But the past is past.
There was a time when I was baby crazy. Where all I wanted was a child to call my own. Honestly, I did want to start a family while I was young but I'm so glad my plan didn't come into fruition. At 24, 25, I felt like my clock was ticking. That I wasn't getting any younger and that maybe I'd get left behind on this whole "family" thing. But as 27 is in my horizon, I don't feel the need to have a kid. Actually, l don't think I want one at all.
I've been adamant in the fact that the only exception I would make to my 'No kids' rule, is if the Sir wanted one. I've known it for a while, actually since we first dated. The only person in this world that I would have a kid with/for would be him. Funny, we actually sort of touched on the subject lightly but I think it's because he's leaving soon.
One of the reasons I don't want a kid is their constant need for attention and supervision. You have to make sure they've done their homework, that they've taken a bath, that their chores were completed. They have to be fed and disciplined and I know it's a lot of hard work, something I'm not willing to do or feel that I can do, at this point in my life.
I'm turning 27 in a couple of months and now is the time where there are baby showers and weddings and 'grown up' things. At times, it makes me feel left out. Like, why aren't I getting married and, why aren't I inviting my friends to my baby shower? It's happening to more and more people around me and I can't help but think, 'Well, maybe I should just get pregnant too", but then I remember, it's a choice, and as far as I'm concerned, it's a choice that I don't feel like dealing with right now.
Fits, tantrums, crying, screaming. It all irks my nerves. I can't handle it. I treat kids like they should know better even though I know that they don't. By 'kids', I mean those under 7 because by then, they already do know better. Don't get me wrong, once they know how to behave and what's expected of them, I like them. It's just the wild, unpredictable phase that annoys me. Yes, annoy.
I had a conversation with my dad recently. Surprisingly because he wants grandchildren. He doesn't seem like the person to want grandchildren but he keeps asking me. I've told him repeatedly though, that I don't intend on having any kids. First, he called me selfish. That the best thing to ever happen to him, was my being born. That he remembers when I was little and he would play horsey with me and crawl around on his hands a knees like an idiot but only because I wanted to play.
While it's nice to hear those things and the memories of telling my dad, "More horsey, dad! More!". I just don't think kids fit into the lifestyle that I envision. I like the freedom of not having to look for a sitter or making plans with my partner to have a kid-free night. I want to be able to travel the world and experience things and not have to worry about kids.
Don't get me wrong, I commend all the mothers out there for doing such a selfless thing, but I don't think I'd be that good at it. I've been told I would be but, that's one of those things that you don't find out until it's kind of the last minute. I think maybe one day eventually, I would like to be a mom, maybe. But I really don't forsee it happening any time soon.
And simply because I know this post is crazy long already, I'll leave it at that!
Have a good Tuesday!
//Panda